French house rules

Bumble reveals his favourite places to relax after a hard Test

Last updated: 16th July 2008

david lloyd

That first Test was really back-breaking for the bowlers and I really feel for them.

I am really concerned that it was such a dead pitch. I am very suspicious of Lord's, the last six Test matches have been drawn when the trend worldwide has been for a result.

I do see Lord's as a corporate day and seems to be more for the middle classes which I find really disappointing for the players. The pitch won. The game was a draw but the pitch has won, even if the game carried on for days afterwards, it would have still been a stalemate.

South Africa came back and showed some terrific fighting qualities which we all know that they have. The top three got centuries which puts them in good steaad for the second Test at Headingley.

England did not do anything wrong but I am wary of only a three day break between Tests.

Having spoken to Michael Holding, he said three days is no where near long enough for fast bowlers to recover and recuperate. If I was England coach I would go very much soccer-style and educate the players on rotation and rest.

If I was the sole selector, I would chose Flintoff and Simon Jones in place of Stuart Broad and Ryan Sidebottom. Broad at 22 could do with sitting this one out and come back to play the last two.

Sidebottom is carrying a lower back injury that will not be sorted in three days. He will be able to bowl, but he will not be a match winner. They are not left out or dropped, it is a matter of learning from the likes of Wenger and Ferguson about getting the best team out and getting the most out of them.

Feet in the clouds

The England bowlers will be looking at their captain to win the toss on Friday and to bat so they can get their feet up for a couple of days. Headingley is different in you don't look at the pitch; you look at the atmosphere and keep a close eye on the clouds.

It has been a good pitch, especially for batting, but if it gets cloudy, it will swing and move around. I still think Monty is the key player in the series. It is going to be tight between these two teams, but in four matches somewhere along the way I think the spin bowler is going to clean up. I can't see Harris doing that, Monty, yes.

I have moved away from my prediction of 2-1 to England. I am going to say 1-0 to England. I think we are going to have a few stalemates. You are looking for a result at Headingley or Edgbaston.

Not a capital idea

I also want to speak about three Test matches in London, well I don't agree with that at all. It is very corporate and the provinces deserve better than that. I totally disagree with anyone who says that the opposition players insist on playing at Lord's. That is complete nonsense. The don't, they will play wherever the fixture is, they are professional players and they are there to beat England no matter where the games are played.

The other thing I would like to mention is this pub side coming from Sri Lanka instead of Zimbabwe. I just don't get it.

It was not long ago when we were saying that seven Test matches was far too many. We are talking about next summer which is an Ashes series. My solution is do we need more than five Test matches against Australia? With all respect to Sri Lanka and Zimbabwe, they are not going to full the grounds and it is going to be a hard sell.

Let's just play the five Test matches which releases your two and-a- half weeks for Twenty20. The Twenty20 would be packed to the rafters, the TV people would buy right into it and the ECB would get the cash. I do say this with the greatest of respect to Sri Lanka and Zimbabwe and it is a moment of sadness for Zimbabwe, but Sri Lanka saying they will come but are not bringing anyone we have ever heard off, well don't come at all. What is obvious, no matter what anyone says, is that the IPL will win the day.

Testing times

I am not going to name the player, but I am friendly with a top class Test match player who is a top class IPL player. He tells me that Test match cricket to him is only secondary. That is completely different to people like myself and other commentators pontificating in the box about Test match cricket.

These players are out there on short careers - maybe 10 years - and they want to earn some money. Somebody is waving millions of dollars at them, that is why my friend and many other top international players are telling us that Test match cricket is secondary.

In the Sky Sports commentary box we have a new lad. Shaun Pollock is at a great advantage because he is a teetotaller. Now that has not gone down well with our recent knight. He cannot understand how anybody can wake up in the morning and that is as good as they are going to feel all day. He has to sit down and think that one through.

Anyone new to the commentary box has an induction with the Knight. Ian Smith has gone home and still has not recovered. Shaun is a grand lad and a very nice man and in my opinion the best South African commentator around.

London Town

I mentioned in my commentary that I like coming down to London. It's great and I love the social scene. I always head into Soho and go to the French House with a couple of pals from production. It is absolutely fabulous there and steeped in history.

It's a great place to watch people but there are two rules that apply. The first one is that there are no pints, it is only half pints. The other is no mobile phones. You asked to leave if a mobile appears.

I also like scurrying around the back of Lord's to a place called the Clifton which is a real ale pub. I don't do music in pubs and one-arm bandits and at the Clifton you always get some great conversation.

Bumble answers your questions...

Send your questions to Bumble by filling in the feedback form below. Or you can mail them in by clicking HERE

EARLY DOORS
Hi There Bumble, Have just been watching the fourth day of the England v South Africa test. As the camera panned onto two policeman you said, 'There they go, Phil and Nige - Crime can't crack itself.' This would suggest you are an 'Early Doors' fan. I am the actress who played Debbie ('The kids are in the car') in Early Doors and you have just made my day!

Keep up the good work in the Box.

Kindest Regards
Lisa Millett

BUMBLES SAYS: Lisa, what a thrill for us! We love that programme and spend most of the day reciting lines from it. Early Doors has a cult following and I am thrilled to hear from you. If you are ever down at the French House pop in and say hello. It is the best programme that has ever been on TV and I fall off the settee when ever I watch it.

OUT AND ABOUT
Bumble, having watched Asam almost get himself out when his helmet fell off, what is the funniest dismal you have ever seen?
Simon

BUMBLES SAYS: Seeing that Neil McKenzie had a runner, reminded me of an eccentric Danish chap who played for Derbyshire called Ole Mortensen.

In one match Mortensen had a runner but totally forgot that he did not have to run. So he limped up the pitch for a leisurely single, so you had two batsmen at the wrong end.

The fielding team casually threw the ball into the wicket keeper who took the bails off. The square leg umpire said that is out and it is him( pointing at Ole Mortensen ) at that end who is out. Ole Mortensen reply came in a loud Danish accent: " Out? How can that be out? I am in, he is in and he is in. We are all 'beeping' in!"

He wandered back to the pavilion scratching his head and it was hilarious.

Send your questions to Bumble by filling in the feedback form below. Or you can mail them in by clicking HERE

Comments

Fai Ali says...

Mr. Lolyd I love your antics it really cheer up the rest of the guys in the commentary team because the rest of them lack a sense of humor. sorry! but that's my opinion. My question is. Do you believe that Paul Collingwood is capable of taking the wicket -keeping gloves for an entire test match? I am also making a prediction that England will win the Ashes next year providing that Simon Jones and Steve Harmisson is selected. England will save this Test. Fai

Posted 10:12 21st July 2008

Colin Nunn says...

Hello Bumble I wonder why the speed of bowlers is not recorded, analysed and published over an innings, a test and a test series Batsmen have their efforts recorded and shown in minute detail e.g. time taken ,4's 6's etc but this is not the same for bowlers I think there is a lot of interest in how quick a bowler can bowl and what is his average speed etc. It would provide some scientific comparison between opposing bowlers during a test and a series Who are the quickest bowling side England or S.Africa - where is the proof? Who retains his pace best during an innings? Who doesn't ? Could you introduce this into your match analysis on TV PS Was Tommo that quick or did everyone's fingers fall off with frostbite

Posted 16:14 17th July 2008

Raw Peter says...

Bumble,now that we are (supposedly) in mid summer,could you please inform your readers as to how you are managing to manicure your fescues

Posted 08:16 17th July 2008

Sally Phillips says...

Dear Bumble, Having heard, and totally agreeing, with your views on the so-called Sri Lankan tour for next year, why can't we have 7 tests against Australia? Then they could be spread well round the country, and everyone (even from the Cumbrian sticks) would get a chance to see a test. Instead, we have to be content with watching on tv and you can't quite get the same ambience!! Keep up the good work. Cheers Sally

Posted 16:31 16th July 2008

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